{"id":2159,"date":"2016-12-20T14:47:46","date_gmt":"2016-12-20T22:47:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/salesfolk.com\/blog\/?p=2159"},"modified":"2016-12-21T00:48:57","modified_gmt":"2016-12-21T08:48:57","slug":"velocify-sales-emails-jargon","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/salesfolk.com\/blog\/velocify-sales-emails-jargon\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Velocify’s Sales Emails Shouldn’t Rely on Bold Jargon"},"content":{"rendered":"

The lead generation space has become more crowded than ever. While there isn’t a lot of differentiation between most sales prospecting tools, there seems to be at least a dozen new ones every week.<\/span><\/p>\n

In this increasingly competitive and commoditized market, companies struggle to stand out in their cold emails. But bold font is not the solution to differentiation.<\/span><\/p>\n

Our readers nominated Velocify’s cold email for the Hall of Shame because of their curious and excessive use of bold font, but there are actually several deeper issues worth solving first.<\/span><\/p>\n

Let\u2019s take a look at their email, below:<\/span><\/p>\n

\"velocify<\/a><\/p>\n

From the start, the intro is too self-focused and doesn\u2019t relate to the recipient\u2019s needs at all.<\/span><\/p>\n

The rest of their email is just stuffed with every possible feature, combined with weird bold text and jargon (<\/span>high velocity outbound prospecting of accounts<\/span><\/i>?!). I can only guess that this is an attempt to show-off.<\/span><\/p>\n

When I read this email as a recipient, I think:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHow is this any different from the dozens or even hundreds of \u201csales acceleration\u201d software out there? I don\u2019t feel like this is interesting enough to reply to, since none of the features are all that impressive or compelling. There isn\u2019t any social proof. Plus, all this bolding is making my head spin.<\/span><\/i> Can I hit the delete button NOW?\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Attempting to highlight all their features in their first email just overwhelms the recipient, and decreases the chance of ever getting a response. The better approach would be to share one savory benefit per email, planting intrigue into a prospect\u2019s mind and giving them an incentive to respond.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"screen-shot-2016-12-15-at-12-46-39-am\"<\/p>\n

How to Fix This Bad Cold Email:<\/b><\/p>\n

Instead of tackling every use case the product provides, the sender should approach it from one specific pain point, and paint a story for the recipient.<\/span><\/p>\n

For this example, if I was to rewrite this email to target a Director of Sales, and I was going to focus on the benefit of increased sales productivity, I might say something like: \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Subject: sales productivity hack for {!Company} <\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Hi {!First},<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Most sales reps spend only 39% of their time each week actively selling.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

[Have a descriptive 1-2 sentences on what the other 61% of time is eaten up by.]<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

[Explain how you\u2019ve helped one of your clients make their sales reps more productive and efficient through automating 80% of their daily manual tasks. It\u2019s important here to quickly describe how you were able to do this; focus on what sets you apart from another sales acceleration solution.]<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Would you like to see how this could \u00a0work for {!Company}?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Thanks,<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

[Name]<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

In the rewrite framework, I\u2019ve addressed these issues with Velocify\u2019s cold email:<\/strong><\/p>\n