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<\/a><\/p>\nFrom the start, this email is impersonal, indifferent, wordy, and vague. More importantly, it\u2019s unclear as to what the sender\u2019s call to action really is\u2026 because there are eight.<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s take a look at where her requests went wrong:<\/p>\n
1. Uses a boring, tepid hook<\/h3>\n
The sender opens with a vague statement that she is \u201cfollowing up to see what business we might do together.\u201d Not only is this an incredibly snooze-inducing opening, it also implies a lack of preparedness on her part. Why is she emailing if she doesn\u2019t already have an idea as to what business you can do together? Isn\u2019t she the one seducing you?<\/p>\n
2. Fails to incentivize<\/h3>\n
Her next ask, after a long-winded introduction to her unnamed company, is that you visit her website and watch a video about another company, LinkedIn. But does she really care?<\/p>\n
By using lazy language like \u201cIf this is of interest to you\u201d and \u201cfeel free to visit,\u201d the sender makes it seem like she\u2019s indifferent as to whether you follow through. Instead of leaving the invitation so open-ended, she should have incentivized you with added value. Imagine how differently this would read if she promised to share the company\u2019s top secrets for generating hot leads!<\/p>\n
3. Builds barriers to responses<\/h3>\n
But no. Instead, the sender asks you to request a custom proposal from her website, \u201cif this makes sense for your business.\u201d Is she just playing hard to get? A call to action should be simple and clear, and by asking you to take two steps\u2014visiting her site and then requesting a proposal\u2014she just made it less likely that you will respond.<\/p>\n
4. Includes too many links<\/h3>\n
\u201cI know,\u201d the sender might think, \u201cmaybe you\u2019d reply if you just watched the short video again.\u201d Fun fact: 80 \u2013 90% of readers will not click on links, so we don\u2019t recommend including them. Plus, they can seem a bit spammy, especially when you include them more than once, as this sender does.<\/p>\n
5. Fails to target her pitch<\/h3>\n
You should also request a custom proposal. Did she mention that already? This is starting to seem a bit self-serving, and no one appreciates a self-centered call to action.<\/p>\n
6. Goes for a hand-off<\/h3>\n
If you are the exception, though, and this redundant generic email has you so intrigued that you want to hear more, the sender tells you that you can email her a lot of information and she\u2019ll arrange a call for you with someone completely different. While a phone call is often the goal of a call to action, the sender\u2019s hand-off approach is impersonal and doesn\u2019t cast the sender, or her company, in a positive light.<\/p>\n
7. Includes irrelevant info<\/h3>\n
That\u2019s okay, though, because she invited you to mine her connections, if you want! Talk about blowing hot and cold.<\/p>\n
8. Redundant, redundant, redundant<\/h3>\n
But really\u2026 did you watch the video? Because nothing says fun like a boring demo video.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s a lot to unpack, and with the sender delivering so many mixed messages, you can bet the prospect took a hard pass on that [business] relationship.<\/p>\n
Have bad cold emails in your inbox? Send them to us!<\/h3>\n
Help us fight the thoughtless spammers, one crappy cold email at a time by sending us the worst cold emails you\u2019ve ever received.<\/p>\n
We\u2019ll put them up anonymously on the \u201cHall of Shame,\u201d and shoot you an email when they go live.<\/p>\n
Please send all submissions to \u201cshame@salesfolk.com.\u201d
\n(And feel free to suggest what you want to nominate the \u201cbad cold email for!\u201d)<\/p>\n