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ClearSlide’s Latest Sales Email Is Murky. Here’s How to Fix It

March 14, 2018 By Heather Leave a Comment

Even companies with established reputations and Fortune 500 clients have to learn the craft of sending a good cold email—and be wary of the bad ones.

Sales engagement platform ClearSlide obviously didn’t get that memo, if its latest message is anything to go by:
ClearSlide

I’m a big fan of ClearSlide’s sales automation tools, which is what makes this email so disappointing. Its generic nature leaves a terrible first impression on readers and damages the sender’s reputation in the process. The message is also filled with phrases that mean nothing and offer no value to me. And while many wouldn’t read past the subject line, I delve into the specifics here because, start to finish, this is a great example of how unappealing and forgettable a message can become in such a vague email.

Let’s take a deeper look:

1. The subject line is forgettable.

The subject “ClearSlide and your goals” fails to use basic tactics for subject lines, which is to appeal to people’s wants, needs, or fears about their business. “Your goals” could apply to my business, but it could just as easily go to a software developer or a coffee bean wholesaler. Such a lack of focus makes the subject line far from enticing, and any prospect, regardless of their profession, will likely glaze over this. ClearSlide has plenty of different features that they could easily turn into exciting benefits that would make their subject line pop.

2. The opening line is cryptic.

The opener makes me wonder whether ClearSlide is being intentionally cryptic or if the sender is just plain lazy. “Stay professionally top of mind” isn’t even a cliche; it’s a bunch of words flung together that collectively have no meaning. And “help you in being responsible for all key business initiatives” is also vague and confusing. Key initiatives mean different things to different roles. Mine will not be the same as the coffee bean seller, and it’s a huge turnoff when the email doesn’t make that distinction.

3. The sender didn’t research me or my business.

As far as the rest of this email goes, there’s nothing in here that tells me the problems ClearSlide solves or what benefits the service could give—to me or anyone else getting the message. The email tries, by explaining that ClearSlide helped other companies “engage with the right content at the right time.” That said, the message fails to tell us what the result of that engagement was, which makes the entire sentence pretty pointless. And how does the sender even know if I even care about content? They don’t, and it’s clear they took no time to research me or my company before sending this email.

4. The call to action wants me to do extra work.

This would be a perfectly fine CTA had the sender left out the second sentence. When you aren’t 100 percent sure who the correct person for your pitch is, go back and do more research. Asking me to supply the person feels like extra work. It’s especially discourteous when the email is so vague it’s impossible for the recipient to know who the right person would be.

5. Bonus: The included GIF is distracting and borderline unprofessional.

The animated GIF (you can only see a still here) included in this email is a huge no-no for cold email. It’s distracting, and it immediately indicates a mass-marketing email. I may have taken the time to read through and dissect this email, but that’s part of what we do at SalesFolk. Most recipients would take on look at the GIF and delete the entire message without so much as a second glance.

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Filed Under: Hall of Shame Tagged With: bad cold emails, ClearSlide, how to turn features into benefits, subject lines

Quick Fixes That Will Get This Prospecting Email More Responses

March 13, 2018 By Heather Leave a Comment

Recently I asked some folks on LinkedIn to share their sales prospecting emails with me so that I could do some live feedback and edits.

For this particular email, I chose to just do feedback rather than edits, since I didn’t have enough context to do more serious revisions.

Take a look at my feedback to see how the sender can improve their sales prospecting email and targeting in order to get more positive responses from qualified leads.

Do you have questions about this email or other sales prospecting emails? Just ask in the comments, and I’ll try to respond directly or in my next video.

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Filed Under: Persuasive Writing, Sales Prospecting

4 Common Pieces of Advice You Should Be Avoiding in Your Sales Emails

February 28, 2018 By Heather Leave a Comment

Bad sales emails can happen to anyone. That’s why it’s so important to stay vigilant when it comes to taking advice from the internet. There are lots and lots of tips out there that, despite being completely ineffective, are fast becoming gospel in the sales world.

The best way to avoid making mistakes that could ruin your email outreach is to know the difference between an actual best practice and a misleading tip

With that in mind, here are four popular tips that are actually bad for your sales emails, and what you can do instead.

Do you have any questions about other sales advice you’ve heard? Just ask in the comments, and I’ll try to respond directly or answer in my next video.

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Filed Under: Outbound Sales Tagged With: bad cold emails, bad sales advice, cold email

The Success of Your Sales Email Depends on How Well You Know Your Ideal Buyer

February 21, 2018 By Heather Leave a Comment

How do you know if a prospective customer will care about the sales email you send them? It helps if you’ve sketched out who your ideal buyer is before ever drafting that email.

These days, you need a crystal-clear idea of your ideal buyer and the ways your business can actually help them or add value to their lives.

But the old stereotypes of Marketing Mary or Procurement Pete are outdated and frequently inappropriate. Instead, anyone in sales or marketing needs to learn how to craft a buyer persona—that is, a detailed description of your ideal customer and why they’re qualified to buy from your company.

In this video, I explain why buyer personas are so important and how to create one to build up a strong prospecting list.

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Filed Under: Outbound Sales, Persuasive Writing, Sales Prospecting

How Mentioning Dreamforce Ruined the Rest of This Company’s Sales Email

February 6, 2018 By Heather Leave a Comment

Referencing events in sales emails can be hugely helpful for increasing the number of opens and replies you get, but it has to be done the right way to work. One thing not to do is spam an old email list of contacts collected at an event that happened months ago.

Our latest entry to the SalesFolk Cold Email Hall of Shame did just that, either forgetting or just not caring that Salesforce’s Dreamforce event happened last year, not last week.

In this video, I pick apart the many problems with this email, from its lousy call to action to its excessive jargon and complete lack of benefits. The lesson? A sales email is supposed to convince someone to hit the “reply” button. To that end, make your points in plain English, carry a conversational tone throughout, and don’t waste time talking about an event the rest of us have long forgotten.

Sales emails don’t have to win Pulitzer Prizes, but they definitely shouldn’t make your prospect angry, bored, confused, or displeased they read it.

Do you have any great examples of using events to kick off a conversation over email? If so, I’d love to hear about them in the comments.

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Filed Under: Persuasive Writing Tagged With: cold email, Dreamforce

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Recent Posts

  • Avoid Sending Email Disasters Like These 5 Poorly Targeted Sales Messages
  • ClearSlide’s Latest Sales Email Is Murky. Here’s How to Fix It
  • Quick Fixes That Will Get This Prospecting Email More Responses
  • 4 Common Pieces of Advice You Should Be Avoiding in Your Sales Emails
  • 3 Things You Must Do to Start a Meaningful Conversation With a Cold Email

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