Scalable email templates that feel like personalized one-on-one messages

3 Things That Get Cold Emails Deleted By Prospects

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Do your prospects grab your prospects’ attention and make them excited, or do they just press delete before they even get to the second line?

Would you reply to an email that feels salesy or pushy?

Probably not. So why should prospects respond either?  

Most cold emails fail because they don’t connect with their audience because they feel disingenuous or impersonal. If you want to catch your prospects’ attention you need to address their needs and speak to them on a more human level.

Fixing these three common cold email mistakes can get you 3x more responses from your prospects.

Cold Email Mistake #1: Your message is too self-focused and impersonal

No one wants to hear you drone on about how awesome you think you are. Your prospects don’t care about how many awards your company has won or that your new product is your fastest or coolest ever. They only want to know how you can solve their problems.

How can you speak to your prospects needs if you don’t understand their needs? Before you craft any cold emails you need to develop a clear buyer persona and research your prospects’ industry and role to understand their pain points and priorities.

Canned and generic messages won’t get responses in 2015. Everyone has become immune to gimmicky emails that feel mass. Your prospects want to feel special, and know that you took the time to understand them and their business. If you send the same message to a CEO as a VP of Engineering you will either alienate one of those parties with an untargeted message that doesn’t make sense, or bore both of them with vague language.  Instead you need to create thoughtful emails that are specific to each of your buyer persona’s needs.

Cold Email Mistake #2: You’re boring your prospects with long-winded pitches

Your prospects are busy people. They don’t have time to read through bloated paragraphs that resemble small novels, and they aren’t going to go out of their way to read a white paper that explains your value proposition either.  You only have a few seconds to entice someone with your message before they click delete, so don’t waste words on useless fluff.

The only goal of a cold email is to get your prospects talking to you. Don’t get too overwhelmed trying to say everything in the first email; you can always explain more when you have them on the phone or in following emails. Keep every email simple, and focus on one main benefit or idea per email. Because people have short attention spans, you should try to keep your cold emails to 2-5 sentences. The most persuasive cold emails eliminate anything that does not support the email’s main idea.

Cold Email Mistake #3: Weak Calls to Action lose your prospects’ attention

Even if you write the best introduction to your cold email, a weak or missing Call to Action will kill your chances of getting a response. Spending your time talking to a stranger is a risk, so you need to give prospects assurance that talking to you won’t waste their time. Great calls to action offer prospects value or gives a sense of “fear of loss,” and incentivize them to promptly respond.

How can you  make it worth their while?

Make sure your prospects clearly understand how they’ll benefit by talking to you. Incentive your CTAs by offering a piece of actionable advice or sharing a quick idea that can help improve their business.  

What To Think About Next Time You Start A Cold Email

Here are a few quick takeaways you can use for crafting your next cold email based on the mistakes mentioned above.

  1. Start your first sentence as a question that is focused on your prospect, ideally one that makes them think about an existing pain point or a potential benefit you can offer.
  2. Keep your cold emails short and conversational. Try to use the word “you” more than “I.”
  3. Try to keep your Call to Action in one short and clear sentence. Questions like “When do you have time for a short call so I can share an idea that could double {!Company}’s revenue?” tend to work well.

…That way your emails will get responses like these:

excited for webinar

Instead of ending up here with all the other SPAM:

goats and trash- why your cold emails suck

Why InsightSquared’s Emails Aren’t Very Insightful

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How much time do you spend thinking about following up with your sales prospects?

Do you take the time to create thoughtful and unique responses to reach back out to your prospects, or do you just mindlessly send them canned garbage?

Most follow up emails are awful, and belong in the trash.

When talking to prospective clients and giving sales advice, I’ve noticed that salespeople often start off strong with their first email, but quickly flatline after the first or second email.

However, our own cold email campaigns actually tend to see almost as many responses in touch points 5-8 as the first 4 emails of our sequence.

So what’s the difference between most follow up email sequences and mine?

Why are mine getting 2-3x more responses than theirs?

I have a theory about what’s happening.

All salespeople have heard the classic “lesson of persistence,” and will usually send follow up emails, which is a great start. However, most sales guys/girls focus all their efforts on their first-touch email, but treat the rest of the touches in their sequence as an afterthought, with no new ideas or angles.

Too many follow up emails look like clones of each other. And I don’t just mean that sales people are all using the same crummy follow up templates; the emails in their own sequences are so repetitive that each of their touches actually look the same too.

That’s because everyone is copy and pasting the same crappy canned templates that someone wrote decades ago, before we had so many countless sales tools at our fingertips.

Persistence is important, but hammering your prospects over the head with the same obnoxious, “Hey, I’m following up” message won’t win you any deals, and becomes really annoying pretty fast.

Your last touch point is important as the first cold email you send, so if you’re going to bother sending multiple cold emails, put some thought into every email you send out.

Please don’t be the guy/girl who sends incessant and repetitive cold emails that add zero value and no ideas, or you will probably become the victim of our next cold email critique.

The last few weeks my Marketing Manager Haley has been getting hounded by emails from InsightSquared. We like InsightSquared. We even love their blog and regularly are excited to see their new content, but their follow up emails could use some work.

You guessed it: InsightSquared is the victim of this week’s cold email critique.

Cold Email Mistake #1: Sending the Wrong Message to the Wrong Person

Haley got this email from InsightSquared:

Subject: Wednesday Lunch

Hi Haley,

Have any plans for lunch on Wednesday?

If not I’d love to show you a live demo of InsightSquared – the fastest to implement and most user-friendly BI tool on the market. You’ll have a chance to discuss your sales process with one of our Salesforce.com experts and see how InsightSquared addresses the limitations of native SF reporting.

If lunch doesn’t suit happy to arrange another time. It would be great to get your feedback on the tool and your thoughts on how InsightSquared might help your team.

Let me know a time that works and I’ll fire over an invite.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend and hopefully we’ll chat during the week.

Best,

The first problem with this cold email is that Haley’s not managing a sales team, so she’s not the ideal buyer persona for this product. Since she has no use for this product, they will probably never get a response from her, no matter how well their email’s written (although better writing might at least get them a friendly response).

When it comes to cold email campaigns, you need to think about quality over quantity.

Successful cold email campaigns target the right people with the right message.

Too many companies are tempted by the convenience of buying a cheap list of hundreds or even thousands of names, but sending emails to a list of random names is like trying to pin the tail on the donkey while blindfolded. Sure, you might get lucky and hit the target, but chances are you’ll just waste your turn swinging your arms about in the air.
Cold Email Sequence Pro Tip #1: Before you hit the send button, take the time to build a solid list of qualified leads.

Think about the people you’re targeting. Who’s your ideal buyer persona? Who can benefit the most from your product? What industry do these folks work in? What types of priorities do they have? What problems do they face on a daily basis and how can your product help solve those problems? The more you know about your ideal buyer persona, the more effective your cold email messages will be.

Cold Email Mistake #2: Asking for Too Much Too Soon

Cold emails are meant to be the start of a conversation with your prospects. Don’t feel the pressure to go for the big ask right off the bat. Asking for a demo before you’ve explained anything about your product is a huge turn off, like taking your pants off at the restaurant during our first date.

Remember, your prospects don’t know you, and probably haven’t even heard of your company before, so don’t get too greedy too fast. Take the time to develop a relationship before you ask them to invest their time and money with you. Giving your prospects the impression that you’re only in it for the quick sale will make your prospects run for the door to hit delete faster than those naked baby photos your mom is always posting online.

Once you’ve lost your prospects, it’s nearly impossible to win them back, so make sure you get it right the first time.

Cold Email Sequence Pro Tip #2: Your prospect want to feel like you understand them and their businesses. Instead of pushing for a demo or a sale in the first email, try engaging your prospects with a thought-provoking question that show you’re interested in their daily work.

Example: “How are you predicting {!Company}’s sales numbers for Q3?” or “I’m curious, do you feel {!Company}’s business intelligence tools user friendly, or are they clunky and overwhelming?”

These types of questions are more human and less salesy. Your prospects are more likely to respond when they can tell you’re taking a more genuine interest in their business.

Cold Email Mistake #3: No Clear Benefit Or Focus

Good Evening,

Haven’t heard back so wanted to see if we’re still on for tomorrow?

No worries if not – I usually try to escape for lunch myself! – but again happy to schedule another time that suits to connect. I’m conscious you may not be looking to evaluate tools at the moment but really just hoping to introduce InsightSquared and see if there is role we could play for your team down the road.

Let me know what suits.

Thanks,

The problem with this follow up email is that it’s completely void of any useful information.

I have no idea who’s reaching out to me, what the company he represents does, or what product he’s pitching me. I don’t have time to scroll through previous messages in order to piece together his message.

Don’t assume that your prospects will automatically know who you are, or make the effort to find out. Even if it’s the last email in your sequence, it might be the first time your prospects are paying attention to your message. Each email in your campaign needs to give your prospects a clear idea of who you are and how your business can help them. Your prospects aren’t going to respond unless they can see a clear benefit.

Just because it’s a follow up email, doesn’t mean that you don’t need to offer some type of value. Don’t rely on the lame and outdated “maybe you didn’t get my last email” approach. Instead, treat each email as it’s own unique message, adding new and interesting information.

Cold Email Sequence Pro Tip #3: Instead of listing out all your product’s features in bullet points, choose one benefit per email to focus your message on.

Example: ”I have a time-saving hack that could dramatically reduce the time you’re spending each week on {!Company}’s Salesforce reports used by companies like [Client A] or [Client B].”

If your value proposition is strong enough, there’s no need for long-winded lists of features or distracting graphics. All you need is a simple sentence that tells your prospects exactly how you can help improve their businesses.

Cold Email Mistake #4) Leaving Your Prospects with a Weak Impression

Heather,

Haven’t heard back so I imagine it’s best to hold off getting in touch for now – perhaps lunch was a bit forward !

Anyway enjoy your weekend and best of luck closing out the month/quarter.

Please reach out if you have any questions or would like to revisit this in July.

Best,

Your Call To Action is the last impression you will leave on your prospects.. If your CTA is weak or non existent, your prospects won’t see a reason they should respond.

This CTA is ineffective because doesn’t give me a reason to respond. How can I have questions when you haven’t told me anything about your product?

Simply asking for a demo or a phone call without giving anything in return doesn’t excite me. Your prospects will respond only when incentivize them to do so..

Cold Email Campaign Pro Tip #4: Strong CTAs move prospects to act by enticing them with something they desire or scaring them with something they fear.Make it worth it for them by clearly spelling out what they can gain in exchange by investing their time with you.

Example: {!First}, when do you have 10 minutes to talk? In exchange for your time, I’ll show you an easy way that you can pull pipeline revenue forecasts from {!Company}’s Salesforce.”

How to Send A Follow Up Cold Email That Doesn’t Suck

So now that you know what NOT to do in your followups, you’re probably wondering, “How do I write a cold email that rocks?”

I don’t have a magic answer to this because this really depends on your previous emails, which buyer personas you’re targeting, and what your value propositions are. However, I will say that your follow up email should have similar style and structure to your first email.

It needs to add value.

Focus on one idea/benefit.

Keep it short.

Write like a non-spammy human.

And be interesting.

If you’re stuck trying to think of what to write, go back to the drawing board and make a list of all your benefits, and what matters to your prospects. Each of your benefits or their pain points can be the roots of an idea for another cold email.

Here’s an example of one of our follow up emails we wrote for Ambition:

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SUBJECT: how competitive is {!Company}’s sales team?

Hi {!First},

What are you doing to ensure {!Company}’s sales team maintains its competitive edge quarter over quarter?

We’ve helped companies like [Client A] and [Client B] increase and maintain their sales team’s numbers by implementing incentives across their sales funnel, and I believe the same concept could work for {!Company}.

When do you have time for me to share this quick idea with you?

Thanks,

If you’d like to hear more advice about how to write your follow up emails (and cold emails and general), register for My next webinar on Wednesday June 24 at 10am PDT with the brilliant and entertaining Lincoln Murphy. I’ll share a centuries old trick that will help you create cold email template that will knock your prospects’ socks off every time.

We’re also launching our new cold email guide next week on the same day, Copywriting Secrets for Seductive Cold Emails, so stay posted for more cold email advice and goat memes.

Until then, happy emailing!

Why Zenefits’ Cold Emails Lose Their Prospects

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lose prospects

Are your cold email messages actively engaging your prospects, or just putting them to sleep?

Even awesome companies like Zenefits can improve their cold email copy. Recently many CEOs have forwarded me the cold emails Zenefits has been sending them, asking me to critique them in my next post. All the prospects who have received these cold emails from Zenefits have complained that they are too vague and incredibly dull.

This week’s cold email critique will be dedicated to helping Zenefits improve their cold email campaigns by making their messages more benefit-driven and relevant to their prospects.

Here’s the cold email Zenefits sent:

zenefits cold email critique

Mistake #1: Don’t Lose Prospects with Boring, Generic Cold Email Intros

“Hope 2015 has been treating you well! My CEO Parker just shot me a note to see if we could reconnect –  I know you were evaluating Zenefits last year and I just wanted to see if a quick chat would make sense.”

Your introduction’s goal is to hook prospects and keep them fully engaged in your message. Each sentence of your cold email should make your prospects want to keep reading. Boring intros like this one, do nothing to excite or intrigue prospects. When your prospects feel like there’s nothing in it for them on the other end of your email, they’re going to give up and hit the delete button.

If you want to warm up your prospects, you need to put them at ease. You need to convince them that reading and responding to your email is worth their time. Nothing turns off your prospects more than another crappy canned cold email message. Your prospects will be more open to your message if it has a conversational tone. Most people have their guard up against salesy or gimmicky marketing pitches, but you can lower their defenses by taking a more human tone that feels like a one-on-one message.

Cold Email Pro Tip #1: Everyone loves to have their ego stroked. Instead of starting your cold emails with a self-serving angle, compliment your prospects or ask them an intelligent question that speaks to their role/expertise. Taking an ounce of interest in what your prospects think, feel and care about goes a long ways toward getting more responses.

(For more tips on writing engaging cold email introductions, check out this post.)

Mistake #2: Turning Off Prospects With Self-Focused Messages

“Since we last spoke in 2014, we’ve hit some major milestones in our growth – We got recognized as the Hottest Startup of 2014 (Forbes article) and the fastest growing insurance brokerage in the nation.”

Your prospects don’t care about how many awards you’ve won or the number of milestones you’ve achieved. They only care about how your product can help improve their business or life.

No one likes a show off, so avoid talking too much about yourself or your company. Remember, it’s not about you; it’s about the customer. Your prospects want to see that you understand their business and the issues they face on a daily basis. Focusing on yourself comes across as obnoxious and disingenuous, which turns your prospects off completely.

Pro Tip #2: Give your prospects a message they can relate to. Put yourself in your prospects’ shoes, and think about who your ideal buyer persona is. Considering these questions before you begin your campaign will help you develop messages that speak directly to your prospects and their needs:

What are the buyer’s pain points?

How will this person benefit from my product or service?

How will they use they use my product?

Are there any objections this person might have to prevent them from responding or buying?

(For more tips on avoiding vanity in your cold emails, check out this post.)

Mistake #3: Overwhelming Your Prospects With Too Much Information

“In addition, we’ve released a wider portfolio of benefit services (401k, FSA, commuter, etc.) and have added a number of new features to our platform (PTO tracking, time&attendance, stock options, etc.).”

Everyone gets excited about new products and features, but focusing too heavily on these distracts from your core message. Don’t try to do too much with your cold emails. The longer your emails drag on, the more likely your prospects will become bored and give up.

Your prospects aren’t impressed by all the sleek new bells and whistles your product has to offer. They only want to know how your product is going to help make their lives easier. People don’t have time to read and wade their way through jargon. Don’t waste your time or the readers, and just focus each email on one short and sweet killer benefit. Remove all the other fluff – it doesn’t add value, and actually decreases your chance of getting a response.

Cold Email Pro Tip #3: If you’re relying on bullet points to get your point across, you’re doing it wrong. Resist the urge to list out all your product’s features. Just choose one feature/benefit and focus your entire message on that thing, and how it adds value.

You don’t have to go full-kimono and reveal everything on the first email. All you have to do is get them to respond; you can explain more on the phone after you get that “first date.”

Mistake #4: Show Your Prospects Your Value, Don’t Tell.

“I’d love to demonstrate how can help streamline your redundant processes, keep your company in Obamacare compliance and save your team a ton of time on administrative work. I know you’re busy now, especially with wrapping up the week, but would you be available to reconnect sometime this month?”

Your prospects’ inboxes are full of cold emails claiming to help save time and increase productivity. So, how can you make your cold emails stand out from the rest? Instead of telling your prospects how awesome your product is, prove it to them.

If I was reading this email from Zenefits and had no idea who they were, I would be skeptical of all the things they were promising. If I was their prospect, this is what I would think:

“Does this startup have any customers or results that show the value they’ve delivered to their customers? …I don’t know, but I’d be a lot more convinced of their value if I saw names and numbers…”

Col Email Pro Tip #4: Prove your worth by including some kind of social proof that demonstrates the benefit your product/service can deliver. Include a “mini case study sentence” that shows statistics that help quantify your value. Pointing to real results not only builds trust and credibility with your prospects, but also helps to ease their doubts, making it easier for your prospects to say yes.

Need more examples? Check out this post we did on crafting social proof sentences.

One Thing You Must Cut Out of Your Cold Emails

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cut your cold email

How long are your cold emails?

If you can’t answer this question in 3 seconds your emails are too long.

The average length of my cold email is 3 sentences long. Some of my most successful emails were only 2 sentences, and I rarely write emails with more than 5 sentences.

Today people have the attention span of gerbils and barely enough time to chug a shot of espresso, so you can’t expect prospects to read an email that resembles the length of marketing’s latest white paper. Because every sentence counts, it’s important to remove weak language whenever possible and consolidate words and phrases that aren’t helping you persuade the prospect to respond.

This cold email critique is the second piece of a two-part critique on this email submitted by a reader just like you:

cold email critique 3

How to Cut Redundancies from Your Emails: Avoid the Obvious

“ Obviously, getting signups for demos of [!COMPANY] is super important to your team. I made a personal video going over a few ideas on increasing demo signups with a/b testing. [link]“

If you want your emails to actually be read and your call to action to work, you need to make your emails as short as possible. Cut them to the bare essentials, and then cut some more.

Don’t tell your prospects what they already know. It weighs down your email and distracts from your core message. Yes, demos signups are important, but what the text of this email doesn’t say is a preview of “how this product/service will help increase your customers’ demo numbers.”

I somewhat like the fact that the sender included a personalized video, but you can’t assume that your prospects will actually click your link and watch your video to understand your main benefits. In fact, they are especially unlikely to click on your link if your email doesn’t offer them new interesting and valuable insights. Your cold email needs to give your prospect a quick preview of how you will solve their problems and benefit them. The video can reinforce this or go into deeper detail of your business, but you can’t exclude this from your email just because you include a video link.

How Much Value Should You Give Away In Your Email?

“ In the video, I go over a few ideas that you can implement right away with. I also explain a system I’ve created to help busy teams automate the process of getting fresh a/b tests live every month.

If you like the video and think this is something your team might be interested in, just shoot me a quick reply.”

I appreciate that the sender has designed a video that gives a few quick actionable nuggets specific to their prospect.  Giving away a small amount of value can help build rapport and credibility, and can be very effective with a laser-focused list of prospects.

However, there is a fine line between giving enough value to entice your prospects and giving away too much too soon. If this salesperson is getting high click rate on an embedded video with a low response rate, then they can assume that either:

  1. Their list is not targeted enough.
  2. The video is not interesting or enticing enough to their prospects.
  3. They’re giving too much value away without leaving enough allure for a call.
  4. All of the above.

Any video or article you add should only be treated as a teaser that will further pique your prospects’ interest and entice them to request a call.

While I can’t share the link to the actual video with you because this is anonymous, I can say that the video is too long (~4.5 minutes) and doesn’t have a lot of enthusiasm. Like the email, I would cut the video down and only mention a few main points that the prospect could use for improving their business.

In both cases the Call-to-Action needs to be improved.

The email’s last sentence is weak and passive. Instead it should say something like, “I have another idea that I think can double {!Company}’s conversion rate that worked well with {!Client}. When can we connect for a quick call so I can share this with you?”

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Stay tuned for next weeks’ cold email critique! We welcome your submissions for the “worst cold email,” but we’d also love to anonymously critique your cold emails. For submitting emails for critique or requesting cold email consultations for your business, please email haley (at) salesfolk (dot) com.

Be a goat, not a sheep!

We always strive to create captivating copy that is unique, actionable and adds value to prospects’ lives.

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